Some Useful Phrases

I was given a Czech language pamphlet at the hostel, here it is verbatim, translated into phonetical English for my convenience I suppose.  The comments in parenthesis are some of my initial reactions.

...Some Useful Phrases...

Yes=No (good start)

Thanks= Dick-y (ha)

Sweetheart= Mill-A-tch-kuu (aw)

Pen and paper= Pero a Papear (but what if I want a pen and big papers?)

Just let it flow != Neck to plaavat (way ahead of you)

Twin tailed lion= Dvo ott-sas-see Lev (symbol of Prague)

Toe nail clippers= Klesch tay na necktey (useful indeed)

The next few are best presented in pairs and read one after the other:

Have you got any availible sisters/brothers? Mash nay-yakkay voll knee sestrey/bratay (yes)

I'll have one of those= Damn say yeden to ho led ens to (damn indeed)

You have beautiful eyes= Mash motcz p-yeah-K-nee ott she (aw)

Have you washed your hands?= U-mill says ru-tc-say (a bit rude)

How do you do Madam?= Nazdarr ek Hol tchitch kaa?

Help yourself please= Po-slush say Sam Pro-seam (there you go Simmy)

Life goes on= Ten dzz-ievot poke-ratch-U-yeah (good advice)

Fish and eggs= Ribby ay VaY-tchkey (better advice)

Big Papers= Da-may shh-pekkA voll-ay, nebbo so? (finally)

I'm having a heart attack= Ran-E-min-yey, Mert vit-Say (chances are in this case I'm not going to have the composure to let everyone know in Czech)

Another Pair:

Are those teeth false?= So Tea-hLay zub-bey prr-avvy?

Make me a nice price= Dyel-eye me lep-she-ho senna, neigh

Please may I fondle your buttocks?= Pro seam vass, mou who phlad eat vashe Prr-del-kuu?(sure, go ahead)

How much you want for him/her/it?= KoLick ktchesh pro hoo/yee/toe (I will take two hers please, make me a nice price...I also really like hoo/yee/toe)

Do you like soul music?= Lee-bey say tay Soulova hud-bitch-ka? (yes)

My name is Sue.  How do you do?= Ya sem SuZko, Yak tea-duppo Krraleet-say? (my name is Noah, how's it go-ah?  Why doesn't it rhyme in Czech?)

Wine Red/White= Venno chervenny/beelay

Good Bye= Chago Baggo she-len-say (Chago Baggo: great name for a puppy)

Help me= Po mou dzesh Min-nay

Transport ticket= Yizz den Kuuu

Rude Word= KuRRvaa Par-eck (I was told that this is actually the offensive expression, not literally  how to say "Rude Word")

Shoe string= Tkahnn itch kaa (useful)

Tea pot= Kon vitcz-ay (useful)

Shots= Pan A tch key (more useful)

Condoms= Pre-searve-a-tivvy (safe)

Back Scrubber= Kar-tat-shh na zadd-Ahh  (most useful)

Bread= Klebba

Beer= Pivo (like in Slovenia)

A trio:

Garlic= Chess e neck

Nurses= Sess tritch key

I'm lost = Ya sem mee mou

(I am reminded of Wayne's World, "Garth, that was a Haiku")

Horse shoe= Pot-ko-vaa

Cheers !!= Nass sDrravvee (like in Poland)

Meat= Masso

No=Nay (I was hoping for yes)

Numbers:

1= Yeah-denn

2= D-vee-yeah

3= Trree (my favorite)

4= Stear-reeh

5= P-yett

6= Sh-est

100= Kilo

1000= Leet-rrr

69= She-does-that deviant (what??)

A note from the author:

I feel quite high= ya ass'm seat-him horny (him horny indeed)