Shameless Plug TIme

I just got one of my articles and a few photographs published at In the Know Traveler, an online publication that is all about travel, so please check it out, and tell your friends about the site.  

http://www.intheknowtraveler.com/3280

Don't be Scared

Why are Italians so afraid of the weather?  I ask myself this question every time it rains and I find myself outside surrounded by umbrella-covered Triestini running for shelter like its World War III. Literally every single person in Trieste carries an umbrella around all day, and they think I am crazy when I say, "It's just water."  

At first I was convinced they were all witches and would melt.  I imagined them saying, "Oh no, the water from the sky again!  What a world what a world," but that's just ridiculous. Maybe it's because they wear more expensive clothes that I do and the rain is damaging to their fashion.  Or maybe the rain in Italy is acidic, and my health is in great danger, but I won't find out until I have a squid baby years from now.  Whatever the explanation, their fear seems to be present when the sun is out as well.

Today I strolled downtown for a haircut.  Being sixty degrees and sunny, I said to myself, no need for a jacket, and took off wearing nothing more than jeans and a long-sleeve shirt.  You would have thought I had left the house naked.   Everyone stared at me, which I am used to being an obvious American, but today they weren't disapproving, it was more like the Triestini feared for my life.  The ladies in fur coats seemed especially alarmed, and one even asked if she could help me in any way.  When I arrived at the salon (barbershops don't exist here, sorry fellas), I thought the woman behind the front desk was going to have a heart attack when I didn't hand her a jacket to hang up.  

I wish I could load them all onto a giant plane and take them to Vermont during a hailstorm, the type in April when the sun is out, and people are all outside in T-shirts saying things like, you call that hail?  But then again, it's all relative.  When my stylist went reaching for the hair gel, I ran out of there screaming like an Italian in a rainstorm.  I's just a good thing I didn't have to stop at the front desk for a jacket.

Crying Cockles and Mussels, Alive, Alive, Oh

I just returned from a wonderful, shenanigan-filled week in Ireland.  With St. Paddy's Day, gorgeous weather, and the Six Nations (Ireland took home it's first rugby grand slam since 1948), my timing could not have been better.

Ireland is a difficult place to write about.  I find myself having trouble coming up with superlatives, as most everything I experienced was either awesome, amazing, or green.  The only real tourist attraction I managed to fit in was a day-trip to the Cliffs of Moher, an amazing sight on Ireland's West Coast.  It's the kind of place where you can answer your phone like this:

Ring Ring Ring

"Hello?" 

"Oh hey what's up."

"Not too much, just standing on the edge of Europe, what are you up to?"

The best part of our awesome day trip, which included stops at abbey's, ancient stone sculptures, and Fairy Forts (where the leprechaun's live), was our amazing bus driver/tour guide/comedian for the day, Ray.

With his green top-hat and whimsical accent, Ray informed us about the Burren, the lunar-like limestone landscape unique to this part of Ireland, and why exactly you don't mess with the little people.  His sense of humor was amazing.

After setting us up for twenty minutes about politicians who had homes in this part of Ireland, Ray drove the bus slowly past a couple of particularly dirty donkeys.  When he explained the origins of Irish cowsheeps (apparently all the inter-species hanky panky started when the cows were cold one night) he showed us what clearly was a llama, and when the CD player in the bus broke, Ray sang.  

If anyone else finds themselves in Galway, please take Galway City Tours specifically.  Why you ask?

Because they're awesome.

Party Boat

I finally understand why Europeans don't do Halloween.  They have Carnival.  It's another excuse for young people to get innovative with costumes, drink and dance like the heathens of old, and have a parade or two.  My favorite aspect of Carnival is how each country, each city even, has developed completely different traditions, and unique ways to get into the spirit of Carnival.

In Venice they dress creepily and stand perfectly still, while Croatians prefer a good old fashioned block party.  In the festive boat department, the Slovenes take the cake, notice the microphone...

 

Noah's Seven Rules for Passport Related Emergencies

Traveling is a series of catastrophes.  The better we cope with these daily crises when we're on the road, the better we can enjoy a sunset on a deserted beach, a bullfight on a deserted beach, or clinging to dear life while flying backwards through a British roundabout.  What is the most terrifying of these travel emergencies you ask?  Passport issues.

Unfortunately or fortunately, I have become an expert on passport problems, and by following these easy to remember rules, you too can seemlessly make your way in and out of many a country with insufficient or even non-existent documentation.

Rule #1 Don't Panic:  Anyone who has traveled with me knows that I don't usually follow rule #1.  When somebody tells me not to panic, I tend to respond by ripping handfuls of my hair out or throwing up on a nearby animal, but seriously, at the moment you first realize you have a passport problem, there is often nothing you can do about it.  Rather than tearing your rental car apart looking for the thing, go party with Croatian soccer hooligans.  You'll call the embassy in the morning with a headache, but it will be worth it.

Rule #2 Dress the Part:  A collard shirt says, "I am an upstanding individual with enough money to support myself, you should feel honored to let me into your country, despite my damaged passport."  A tie says, "I have something to hide."

Rule #3 Copy, Copy, Copy: A photocopy of a valid passport can be a lifesaver, and can speed up the process when applying for a replacement.  Carry a few of them in a few different places. This is one of those things that Mom reminds you of every day that is actually a good idea, just remember to keep a copy in your coat...which you should always wear so you don't catch a cold.

Rule #4 Smile: It's not that machine-gun wielding government police officer's fault that you can't find your passport.

Rule #5 Lie: Seriously.

Rule #6 Lie Well: When I accidentally washed my passport the night before jumping on a plane from Italy to the UK, I told multiple officials that it had been damaged in Venice during the recent flooding.  Had they asked any follow up questions, I was ready with a full story, the date of the damage, and which Ventian hotel I was staying at.  When my passport was "stolen" in Croatia, I arrived at the American embassy with paperwork from a police officer in Split corroborating my story.  Remember, lying is only helpful until you get caught. Don't let them catch you!

Rule #7 Drip Dry: Your Passport won't respond well to hair dryers, best to stand it up and fan out the pages.